laying here bawling.
Anonymous asked: Here's a hug for you because I really want you to feel better! I fought with the same problem for a long time. Just please try to calm down. Idk just listening to music always used to help me when I had bad moments <3 <3
I try to calm down but it’s hard when every single move you do reminds you of how bad your body looks. Whenever I sit down, put on clothes, shop for clothes, try on clothes, take a shower, walk, run, just every little thing. Music helps with some things, but it’s not gonna take weight away or make me any more find of myself.
gonna rant here, pay attention if you like. I don’t care.
To start this out, let me say that I am unsatisfied with myself beyond belief. I hate my body. I’ve tried to learn to at least accept it, but I can’t. I don’t have to love my body, accepting it is enough, but I can’t even do that. I just got home from going shopping for campus wear since I’m shadowing at a school tomorrow, and I had to try a lot of stuff on. I was so frustrated, so upset that I had to fight back the tears. My proportions are so off and I’m so much bigger than I’m supposed to be, but a lot of it is genetics. I can’t lose weight. I eat healthy, and I work my ass off at the gym about 5-6 times a week but nothing is happening and it always results in my crying.
I hate my body, my smile, my face, my personality, my anxiety, I hate everything about me except for maybe my music taste.
Most people want to look good for other people, want to be skinny to look appealing to other people. But me? I want to be fit to be happy. I don’t give a fuck about the girls in the magazines and the movies. I only want to be skinny and fit because I know that I’d be happy and confident in everything I do. I’m so fucking fed up with making any move and knowing I’d feel better about it if I were happy with myself and I’m not.
People alway tell me, they say “oh faith you’re not even that big! You’re only big to yourself, you’re soooo pretty!”
I am not.
I will absolutely never believe you if you tell me these things. I’ll maybe say thank you, but I’ll never believe you.
People say “oh faith, you have big hips and that’s sexy!”
I do not have big hips. I have big thighs and there’s a difference.
I’m just fucking done with my body and no matter how hard I work, it’s not changing. I don’t know what to do. I literally don’t even know and I’m about to have a mental breakdown.